Dolorem Inferens Tenaci

Fandom: Helluva Boss
Ship: Stolas/Blitz
Word Count: 782
Warnings: Swearing

When Stolas had invited him over to do a little gardening, Blitz had thought it would be some pretense for getting more sex out of him. Surprisingly, he actually wanted him around while he gardened for whatever reason. Fucking dork. Look at him in that big ass floppy hat and shorts. He seemed to be enjoying himself although Blitz had no idea why. Pulling weeds wasn’t exactly his idea of fun. He half-assed it at best, grabbing random bits of plants and ripping them up.

“Oh, Blitzy, not those! That’s dolorem inferens tenaci !” 

Blitz found his hands being grabbed at the wrists, those spindly looking fingers of Stolas’ stronger than they looked. He looked concerned. 

“Do-lo-fren-what-now? They all look the same to me.” 

“Oh, dear,” Stolas murmured. “You’ll be fine, Blitzy. Just..wait here. I have to get the antivenom.”

“Okay….THE WHAT?!”

But Stolas had already disappeared, running across the palace grounds with an urgency Blitz had never seen before. Wow, look at those bird legs go. Okay. So, he was gonna die now? Fuckin great! Of all the things to take his ass out it was gardening with Stolas. Lame.

He inspected his hands and found spindly little green spines in his fingers. Blitz carefully pulled at one but let out a howl of pain as soon as he put any pressure on it. It felt like trying to rip a red hot barbed poker from his skin. 

“Fuck! You little green assmuncher! Fuckin Stolas and his god damn plants!” 

He dissolved into incoherent swears, fighting back tears of pain. But he’d be damned if he let Stolas find him crying like a bitch when he got back. It took a while for the pain from that one little pull to pass. Stolas better have a less painful way to get these bastards out or this was just his life from now on.

By the time Stolas had returned, Blitz’s hands were shaking, a searing pain spreading up to his fingertips and swelling just starting. Stolas put a hand to his beak as he kneeled beside him, setting down a medkit. 

“Oh, Blitzy, you tried to pull them out! That just makes the venom spread faster.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me not to do that?!”

“Forgive me, my little imp,” Stolas cooed as he got out a needle and filled it from a small bottle of acid green fluid. “I panicked. But you’ll be just fine.” 

Blitz made an annoyed face at the condescending tone and rolled his eyes. He winced as Stolas injected him with the antivenom. 

“How the fuck am I supposed to get these things out?” 

“Once the venom is neutralized, it won’t be quite as painful.” 

Blitz huffed and waited as the antivenom began to take effect. Stolas held his hands gently as the pulsing pain ebbed, blowing on the spines now and then. They seemed to react to the stimulation, curling and straightening in intervals. 

“What’re you doing now?” 

“Trying to make the extraction easier on you.” Stolas explained calmly. “If we keep them stimulated, they’ll be more prone to release when I begin to remove them.” 

Blitz noticed the intense concentration in Stolas’ eyes as he blew on them. There was probably some special way you had to do it or Blitz might try to do it himself. He just sat, cross-legged and watched Stolas work. Until enough time had passed that he got antsy. 

“How long does this take?!” he cried.

“Patience, Blitzy. A little longer.” 

Blitz threw his head back with a frustrated cry, leaning so far back that the only thing keeping him from falling onto his back was Stolas’ grip on his wrists. He popped back up and sighed. 

“Just do it already!” 

Stolas retrieved the tweezers with an amused expression. 

“Very well. I suppose the agony will be reduced enough for someone with your tolerance for pain.” 

He gave him a suggestive smirk, eyes glowing a little brighter. Ugh, come on. But before he could give him a snarky response, Stolas began pulling the spines out. He moved quickly, giving each a swift yank. Blitz’s mouth practically caved in upon itself as he tried to hold in yelps of pain, tears in the corner of his eyes. He could do this. No looking like a bitch in front of Stolas. 

“There.” Stolas blew on his hands again. “Good as new. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Blitz nodded, voice a bit higher pitched than usual. 

“Yeah, no problem. Piece of cake.”

Stolas gave him a knowing smile before leaning forward to kiss his forehead. Blitz was in too much pain to fight him, and he knew it, the bastard.